What Would My Mother Think?

We moms have an impact on our kids…long-term. I have the joy of being both a daughter and a mom. That doesn’t make me unique or special, yet I enjoy both titles.

About a year ago, I was introduced to the story a runner who had the opportunity to snag a victory, and instead, he pushed the real winner to the finish line. His short interview after the race has resonated with me ever since.

In December 2012 Kenyan runner Abul Mutai was racing Spanish runner Ivan Fernandez Anaya. Only a few meters from the finish line, Mutai began slowing down; he was confused by the signs and thought he had finished the race. Behind him was Anaya. He realized the confusion Mutai was experiencing and began telling him to keep running and pointed to the actual finish line. This act of kindness cost Anaya the win…or did it? I have a flashback to a childhood phrase, “you snooze you lose”. This sort of thinking, is often self-focused and not looking out for anyone else. Is this the thinking we want to have though – winning on the fails of others? No.

Afterwards a reporter asked Ivan, “Why did you do this?” Ivan replied, “My dream is that one day we can have some sort of community life where we push ourselves and also others to win.”

The reporter insisted “But why did you let the Kenyan win?” Ivan replied, “I didn’t let him win, he was going to win. The race was his.”

The reporter did not back down and asked again, “But you could have won!” Ivan looked at him and replied, “But what would be the merit of my victory? What would be the honor of this medal? What would my Mother think of it?”

The nugget of truth in this short interview is golden. Do we as adults want to just have a win or success that is superficial? Or do we want to have merit in our success? True success is often collaborative. If we work to have the overall team, group or sport win, then we win. The athlete was well able to “win” but instead he made a cognitive choice to “lose” so he could hold his head up high.

The biggest piece of this story that resonated with me, is his reference to his mother. She must have raised her son with values as well as a desire to succeed and compete. I’ve been in too many situations where a parent wants and expects their child to win – regardless of what it takes or whomever it hurts in the process. His mother was not the side-line sports mom telling him to kick him in the knees, knock the other player out, or win at all costs.

As a young girl, I most often, wanted to please my mother (and father). I wanted them to be proud of me, love me and not cause problems for them. I didn’t always successfully accomplish it, yet that was my goal. This focus, for me, likely kept me out of trouble and helped push me to finish my Bachelor’s degree. I remember on many occasions thinking about what my mother would think if I cheated on a test – so I didn’t cheat; or if I wanted to quit when I was faced with a challenge – so I persevered. She helped me make more right choices than wrong.

I still have that drive to please my parents, although it looks a little differently as an adult; pleasing my mother now has a different look. I want her to be proud of who I am as a mother, friend and person. I often think about what my mother would think of how I mother. That doesn’t mean I take her opinion over my Maker or my husband; I value her opinion though and want her to continue to bring her joy and also be an example. I want her to be proud of my growth and not embarrass or burden her by my choices. As an adult, I may not always do what my mother would choose, yet she continues to encourage me in my own motherhood journey. She raised me with the value of honesty, laughter and persistency.

Sometimes knowing right from wrong is not clear. There may not be a right or wrong. In some instances we must just make a decision and move forward. Mutai and Anaya’s story, though, shows that a mom has the ability to help their child – even an adult child – do what is right. It’s not about unreal expectations or even about disappointment if the child doesn’t live up to or meet the expectations. Instead we moms can breath life and lift up our children. We can edify them. We should help them want to be their best and when facing a decision, hope that the life lessons taught, lead them towards character growing choices and opportunities.